Let me tell you a story.
I have tried to take advantage of my free time lately, doing things that the gainfully employed just don’t have the time or chance to do. One of these such things I decided to do was to try out to be a member of the Pittsburgh Penguins 2010 Ice Crew, read: Ice Girl. I know what you’re thinking, “Doesn’t that require at least a D cup?” As it would turn out, it does. And my A cups and I cried all the way home.
I found the application online, registered on a whim and the more I thought about it, the more I was like, hell yeah I’m actually going to do this.
The requirements went something like this:
– Striking appearance
– Ability to skate in hockey skates
– Hockey knowledge
– Lean, toned figure
I, in my endless wisdom, saw this as the fast track to meeting my future hockey player husband. Striking appearance? The hair style will accomplish that. Ability to skate? Check. Hockey knowledge? Done. Lean and toned? I don’t run for nothin’. Bada bing, right?
Not so fast. Let’s read that again, minus the rose colored glasses:
– Striking appearance = boobage, preferably tanned
– Ability to skate in hockey skates = you can stand in skates without falling down. Just kidding, you can fall down and still make it.
– Hockey knowledge = hockey is played on ice. They skate around a lot and make lots of ice shavings. You get to clean that up. Quickly.
– Lean, toned figure = be tan so we don’t have to see your love handles
I was genuinely mad when I didn’t make it because I could actually skate and stop without running myself into the boards, and not all the girls that made it could. Oh well, just chalk it up to another blow to my naivety. At one point I actually turned to the girl next to me and asked, “When are they going to test our hockey knowledge?” HAHAHAHAHAHA, yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Want some proof I really did it? I was on the Pittsburgh Penguins twitter:
C’est la vie. Another story for the grandkids.
In other news, I was at PNC Park last Saturday when the Pirates had “ONE OF THE MOST DRAMATIC GAMES AT PNC PARK.” True story. Bottom of the ninth, 2 outs, 2 men on, and Pedro Alvarez (reppin’ Vanderbilt, wooo!) is at bat with a 3-2 count. The score is 7-5, Rockies. I distinctly remember watching Pedro, or El Toro as he affectionately referred to, take a couple warm up swings, then switched my gaze to the pitcher. I watched the ball throttled toward Pedro and then SMACK! The whole stadium stood up. We see the ball hang right toward the yellow foul bar. Everyone starts waving their hands in the air to coax the ball fare. And then it was fare. And then the stadium exploded. Pirates won 8-7. Miracle of miracles.
Watching Alvarez round third to home plate where the whole team was already huddled in a frenzy was the best part. Love that picture.
Steve Blass making the call was probably the best part though. When I first heard him, I didn’t think it was him because it was so unbroadcaster like. Nope, just Blass losing his freakin’ mind.
Then George Thorogood played a set of tunes and there were fireworks. The fireworks were AMAZING.
George Thorogood’s still got it. And I loved it. Those around me, did not. Whatevs.
GUESS WHO GETS TO WAKE UP TO THIS EVERY MORNING:
If you said, Prah 2.0, you win!
Today is brought to you by “Dog Days Are Over” by Florence and the Machine. I can’t stop listening to it. Thanks for nothing, Eat Pray Love movie trailer.